I put this picture here to try and calm myself after an extensive foray into the online jungle of online publishing options.
Not that I have a book or anything [insert high pitched whinny followed by staggered choking back-breath]
No I have merely the idea of a book, a book that was once real but given away months ago. A book that if outrageous promises are true. [but they are not you see because the first was a deadline of april 8th.] is being final readthrough feverously between stageshows by a performer/editor at 25 five pages a time.
Worth it's own story, I lack faith in the narrative. I lack faith generally.
It will be returned, I hope shortly, from it's multimonth holiday all spruced up and my clodhoofed clunking grammatical and mixed tenses and misspellings and all that is in-comprehensive about me rendered into little bite size "A-Hah" chunks.
And I will be more grateful than I am now churlishly impatient.
So in an effort to forge ahead and do what I can without a manuscript to publish I mimed one and went online. Seems Amazon has a $2 surcharge applied to certain countries.
So I go looking for alternatives. I'll use Amazon for the countries where the surcharge doesn't apply but I'll need some other outlet to deal with a more generalised global citizenry. This is all academic you understand. I have no real expectations. I want to make $2 a book sold and just on principles sake no flatulently carnivorous globally monolithic herder of kneejerk eyeballs is going to gain my gratitude by doubling the profit margin and taking 50% . That's art gallery, world as limited real estate bollocks.
So fired with indignation I leap into Smashwords
and study for an hour on how to format my book so it can be put through a piece of technology they call a 'meatgrinder'
and then my brain melts. I'll get someone else to do it if I can afford it.
When I get it. And then marketing has to happen. 26 alphabetically geographically themed stories from an alcoholic elongated clown. I'll be pleasantly surprised to get a tank full of gas out of it quite frankly but it's the game, because it's all I have at hand.
Tomorrow is 'feelgood sunday'