Saturday, July 16, 2011

Burble derp, online publishing.

I put this picture here to try and calm myself after an extensive foray into the online jungle of online publishing options.
Not that I have a book or anything [insert high pitched whinny followed by staggered choking back-breath]

No I have merely the idea of a book, a book that was once real but given away months ago. A book that if outrageous promises are true. [but they are not you see because the first was a deadline of april 8th.] is being final readthrough feverously between stageshows by a performer/editor at 25 five pages a time.

Worth it's own story, I lack faith in the narrative. I lack faith generally.

It will be returned, I hope shortly, from it's multimonth holiday all spruced up and my clodhoofed clunking grammatical and mixed tenses and misspellings and all that is in-comprehensive about me rendered into little bite size "A-Hah" chunks.

And I will be more grateful than I am now churlishly impatient.

So in an effort to forge ahead and do what I can without a manuscript to publish I mimed one and went online. Seems Amazon has a $2 surcharge applied to certain countries.

If you live in USA, Canada, UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, or the “Amazon Germany” countries (Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Luxembourg, and Liechtenstein), you escape this surcharge.
However, if you live anywhere else that Amazon sell e-books, you will get hit with this $2 surcharge

So I go looking for alternatives. I'll use Amazon for the countries where the surcharge doesn't apply but I'll need some other outlet to deal with a more generalised global citizenry. This is all academic you understand. I have no real expectations. I want to make $2 a book sold and just on principles sake no flatulently carnivorous globally monolithic herder of kneejerk eyeballs is going to gain my gratitude by doubling the profit margin and taking 50% . That's art gallery, world as limited real estate bollocks.

So fired with indignation I leap into Smashwords

and study for an hour on how to format my book so it can be put through a piece of technology they call a 'meatgrinder'

and then my brain melts. I'll get someone else to do it if I can afford it.

When I get it. And then marketing has to happen. 26 alphabetically geographically themed stories from an alcoholic elongated clown. I'll be pleasantly surprised to get a tank full of gas out of it quite frankly but it's the game, because it's all I have at hand.
once again...

Tomorrow is 'feelgood sunday'

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