Saturday, March 31, 2018

The Guru Lurk

The guru lurk is a profound transcendent cynic with a theology of distaste allowing his followers to hold their spirit levels high.
The pillar of faith on which this theology squats is a collective and heartfelt belief that elevation and inversion are all that can make the human condition tolerable.
We believe in levity literally
one way to demonstrate our faith is to spend as much time as possible evading the ground surfaces usually associated with gravity, stilts, hand holds on ceilings, trusses, spring boots, those Japanese wooden sandles, any tangible effort made to contest gravity in the pursuit of levity is itself an act of faith, both the process and the goal and one of the central tenants of our pulpit.
Inversion being a means by which true peace can be attained is also a fundamental anti-gravity belief system-Standing on ones head or suspending oneself upside down are disciplines practiced daily by the true believer.
Gravity in all its forms,mortality, undue seriousness, any squat insularity that allows for things to condense or compact, under their own or any gravity whatsoever is the bane and considered foe of the guru lurk and his many followers.
Also running throughout the teachings of the Guru Lurk is the firmly held belief that the pursuit of consciously pointless goals , is in itself, a valid reason for existance.
Hence our collective predisposition towards street theatre.
Remember--Burlesque terrorism hurts no-body.
The minimum daily regime is as follows.
Rotate your eyeballs to their highest point-without strain- and breath 5 deep slow breaths through the nose. Then open eyes.
Eat something
5 minutes headstand.
20 minutes deliberately evading ground surface
10 minutes in sling-(see diagram)
Make voodo dolls of all your friends and display them prominently
Festoon your envionment with Anti-gravity “Dubious Retail” products
Quantify chaos with ritual
Try thinking with your genitals.(you will anyway)

Cultivating meaningful rituals.
Cook and offer food
Write letters and public contributions
Writing personally
Exercise physically
Short periods preset of study
Preset periods of making light
.Any questions, comments or criticisms can be directed to

Please remember that The guru lurk, while not a particularly busy Guru, does carry a certain collective spiritual responsibility and so will get back to you most possibly in this life but not always.

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