Birthday Dinners, I think too much.

Bear in mind this is a parody of self pity rather than self pity itself.

I've been invited and will be attending a small dinner party tonight, myself and 7 others and I know I'll be asked to explain or answer 'What I do', you know..."And what do you do?"

These people are very wealthy, very successful and while that doesn't intimidate me in the slightest the question itself does.

Historically the most truthful answer is , "I'm a Clown." But then I define Clown in a personally idiocyncratic way so that pat answer could be a little misleading. They may picture a circus clown  [which I've been] or a birthday clown  [which has happened] however the clown I am is a bitter bleak personage trapped in a convention he cannot understand nor control and who projects this existential quandry by victimizing others for what small amusement and relief that lends him.

All a bit much really and the fact I haven't worked for about a year and have just left a rehab facility I've lived in a year and a half....... I'd be let out for gigs like China which I'd convince staff 'was part of my journey'....well all this creates a bit of a ponderance.

So...What in fact do I do?

* Nothing constructive? I'm a mildly amusing leech. A minor pimple on the acne ravaged face of humanity.

*I'm kinda a self aware renaissance man of dysfunction.

[Having mastered alcoholism, drug addiction, crippling social anxiety, clinical depression and a form of reverse  decathlon where I attempt to squander and destroy every of the many gifts that are native to me and every opportunity offered.]

* I have a select online audience, mostly bots, that, while I can master the delusion, I write for the amusement of.

* I'm a literate slow-mo toy train crash.

* I am professionally misunderstood. In that no-one has yet realised that it is in fact a job being myself.

*Pragmatically, I ingest various, both basic and complex, animal and plant matter and process it to distribute manure on a global scale. This isn't an occupation obviously, it's just a function of being human and in my case I've travelled extensively while doing it

Maybe I'll just stick with clown. 

I have to go now.