Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Pith 3, repository for meta-tags and pith book chaptering exercise

Time is a form of lateral gravity, you're born, you fly sideways, you hit the ground and are buried. #science

Blue man group is just the Wiggles for grownups. “Performance shade

Alkalines of our DNA follow regular grammar and have set rules just like our languages-Human languages are a reflection of our inherent DNAThis could explain why affirmations, autogenous training, hypnosis and the like can have such strong effects on humans and their bodies. #science

Tourists just need structure, otherwise they are merely displaced persons with defensive disposable incomes. #Audience

South african accents sound like they were mad at you but have forgiven you but are still just a bit angry. #accents

I like the dramatically monstrous people, they are my tribe. The placid tidy folk, they are probably OK too, but how would you know? OMG I think dressing-gown woman is stalking me, she has walked twice past my table pretending to be on the phone, not talking, the tracksuit is yellow and black stripes. The hair is 'ignored barbie left in rain' This woman is absively casual , that shows depth of character, I don't care if it's eyeball searingly passive aggressive, This woman knows life is a circus #airport

.Knee high boots are not for the meek, and yet here she is, h hold on, she's filing her nails. Is that code? How did she get through customs? She has a baby too, in a shrouded pram. Is it a baby under there? or is it a decade's worth of nail clippings. I must keep observing this one.#airport

If you have to wear jeans with the belt just short of your armpits in an attempt to suggest you do in fact possess buttocks then might I suggest perhaps you go that one bit extra and cut holes in the pockets for your arms, thus morphing from scary to interesting. #airport

OK there's a guy with his wife she is very thin and the kindest thing I can say about him is that he is not. He is wearing suspenders which may be a cunning ruse not to have a belt to take off in security but his strangled gonads are the terrorists in this situation. They are really really visible and being an empathetic guy his violently cleft testicles produce the same sympathy as an orphaned tragic kitten . Must.. not.. stroke.. strangers..#airport

I am in transit, I'm the sort of person who leaves Hawaii for holidays. There's a man with a cowboy hat and goatee and a studded belt just passing but I suspect his world weary expression is plastic. I should just describe people as they pass...I'll do that #airport

Fun fact: If you put your ear next to a woman's leg you can actually hear her say what the fuck are you doing? #strange

I would just like to take this opportunity to proclaim that the pretentiousness inherent in being both a clown and a philosopher is very real and perhaps my best work. #clown

if it doesn't have a price tag on it how can it be art? If it isn't commoditized how can it be American? You are not citizens, you are consumers. Anything that distracts from consumption is basically communist and dangerously radical. You laugh, you pay, in fact no, if you want to laugh you have to pay first. And if you want to express yourself then it is mandatory that you find someone to pay you to do it. Please don't attempt to embellish the human condition willy nilly. It disrupts the sandblasted chutes that transport you soaking up advertising as you're processed from one retail outlet to the next. Any idea that you are anything other than a distracted drone ricocheting from one hollow conditioned minor anxiety relief at a point of purchase to another is subversive, antisocial and a 19th century or even worse 'European' anachronism. These pitiful attempts at self expression will be punished in the usual educational way, they will be turned into revenue streams to further condition… #publiccommons

The universe is straining to contain the amount of gazooks I feel! #strange

Eagles may soar, but chickens don't get sucked into jet engines. #strange

“Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light, but making the darkness conscious.”
— Carl Gustav Jung #deep #science

Gelotophiles are persons that actively seek and establish situations in which others may laugh at them. ... They do not feel embarrassed when sharing embarrassing things that happened to them for making others laugh at them. #deep #definitions #words #science


my fortune cookie said " Your leg will fall off, you will notice a strange growth appear in your armpit and gums, your libido will send ransom notes from a rancid backpackers in ashburton, your ambitions will don smeared lipstick and mug hideously in your direction and one eyeball will rotate into your skull and never look at the outside world again.... But never give up, life is beautiful"
......or that might have been a Steve Jobs quote, I can't remember. #strange

Five tenets of injustice are-: elitism is efficient, exclusion is necessary, prejudice is natural, greed is good and despair is inevitable. #deep

What the future portends is more and more information. There won’t be anything we won’t know. But there will be no one thinking about it.#deep

So this kid, the omega of three, always the case, leers,
"What would happen If I pushed you over?
I kept walking and over my shoulder said, "You'd need dental work.”#observation

A NZ Clown Export, Martin Ewen has spent a bewildering 30 year program of pancultural clown research in social aggression as it purtains to pantomimes and public places #pr

Bad days are bad, good days are simply not bad, but really good days are simply good days. #observation

Sometimes when people tell me that when one door closes another door opens, I want to slam the original closing door on their foot. #Observation

A clown is a subversive individual who either salves your wounds or further opens them to show that they are not life threatening but part of you.A clown manages reality with almost total freedom and exists to impart those freedoms.A clown uses what is probable to show us what's possible. #clown

Every valuable lesson I ever learnt involved SERIOUS HEAD INJURY. #strange

Sometimes I feel like the worlds’ outpatient. #strange


Pith 2, repository for meta-tags and pith book chaptering exercise

America stands for that kid in the corner of the playground with the magnifying glass burning the insects cos his parents divorced. #America

Facebook is what the embalmer did to Joan Rivers twenty years before she died. #facebook

Facebook is a NSA tool masquerading as a bulletin board for people who don't look out of their windows often. #facebook

The only merciless social killers I've ever heard of have been an adjunct to Americas' training. Name one other after Mao Tse-tung? that wasn't an ex cia employee. #america

America eventually will be seen as an oldschool colonist folly built on calvanist faith and leveraged to french revolution proportions. #america

Fraser has synthesized pan cultural clown as well or better than anybody. He, like Rob Torres have a variety of engagements but they retain essentially that they are entertainment that is happenchance. Their mastery is such they can create self sustaining public gifts. One definition of street theatre. #street theatre #clown

as of 2013, 61% of the worlds pop has no contact with the internet. Well over half our species, not mortgaged in any way, yet to have their societies prostituted to supply chains. People more inclined towards each other and less inclined to a metaphysical castle on a hill. Meta #philosophy

So God dissolved for me before I saw through Santa,because I believed in technology. I figured one dude with a delivery plan and an airborne system was more feasible than the other dude who created the universe. Santa gave me annual evidence of his existence. I could only wonder at his kindness and efficiency.Now a grown-up I bear no grudges at cultural falsehoods timed to explode in lue of more literal scarification rituals.Having said that, as adults, can we simply accept that there's no such thing as baby carrots? #faith

Just had a thought.
First my personal context, 51, born in 63, grew up and teenage years met the first generation of aging hippys.
[I think we're into gen 3 aging hippies now and I swear they're all much older than me]
anyway, age of aquarius bollocks, as if the specific gravities of a combination of planets and stars per individual influences their temperaments?
Hi my names martin I'm an Aries which means I'm arrogant and insecure now if you could stop bogarting while being an amplifier of half digested pseudo science I could medicate my social anxiety.
Hold on, I started out with just a thought and I've written one of probably two or three background paragraphs. DAMN YOU WRITING PROCESS! DAMN YOU TO HELL.
Astrology's just background scatter, a test of faith before you go the whole nostradamus hog. Then there's the Mayans with their chronological aspergers. I always thought it suspicious that the Mayans and computer programmers in the 70's both thought the world was finite within a decade of each other.
Here we all are on the other side of that but what I think resonates is that it seemed we were always promised, like brethren immemorial, that our generation was to participate in some 'consciousness reset' some 'higher collective harmonic' or some such. I like many others, simply waited for the world to catch up and agree with all my crack-pot opinions
But here's my thought, the most profound, consciousness raising, explosively ramificating thing that could be done in our lifetimes is the encryption of the internet.
Govts can't wage a war against math. #socialobservation, #personal

We gibber, making moral judgements with no actual evidence while presuming our humanity is innate rather than simply a media reflex. #online

"The big noise drowns out the little music that makes the world better.” #online

I believe Aliens imprinted comedy into early humans and are hanging back waiting for us to laugh at a specific thing. #strange

Apparently Prime Minister Tony Abbott believes Aboriginies are just shadows white people make. #aussie

Alternative dimension Custer telegraph.
Surrounded by Indians stop They seem casual stop Much to learn stop. #strange

Fundamental attribution error may end our species however it's the bedrock of comedy so worth it. #science


We take direction and call it individuality. We succumb to rituals and conventions that define us and occasionally if we’re lucky some canny technician will temporarily remove our bedrock and yet we will be too entranced to be frightened. #clown


Isn't an economist just a witchdoctor with a sad sense of costume?A high priest of the status quo mumbling about demons in the next village. #strange

There's this guy, late 20s, who for the last few months has been walking up and down the road outside my place, couple of miles one way then back. He wears a hoodie and a small backpack. I recognise the perambulating symptoms of a lost soul locked within itself because I've been there. Today I passed him resting, he closed his eyes as I passed, there is only so much input that can be borne. He used to walk with energy, months have past, he now shuffles. I can do nothing but give him a packet of Granola next time I see him. For him it’s I sadly suspect the end of days. In Hawaii til his parents rescue him. #sad

What some might call sloth I call contemporary anthropology in the first person.

We proceeded to speak as normal people do about this and that.
That is to say, being performers our monologues intertwined. #observation

I worry that I'm needlessly cheerful. #observation

Question; Is  Nominative determinism fourth dimensional onomatopoeia? Cos it seems like it. #Observation

Clowns inhabit a rare stratum,anti-establishment yet attractive.Allowing them to overstep socially, gutting societies boundaries like a fish #clownI care, because clowns traditionally inhabit a rare stratum in which they are anti-establishment yet attractive. They create live capsules in which their own laughable failures allow them to overstep and gut societies boundaries like a fish. Temporary relief is better than no relief at all and if it's done via a chorus of laughter then the tradition is preserved. #clown

People accuse me of overthinking things but Ebola still might be the planets natural defensive response to the TSA. #strange #tsa

I want my TSA people [third gen] in full Hazmat suits sweating and still being paid macdonalds wages. Thanks random genetic mutation. I get your humor. #tsa

"911, please state your emergency"
"Someone hurt my feelings.” #theme

The internet has grown enormously, the washing line now extends beyond the curvature of the earth. Beware the internet aunties! #internet

Livingspace wasn't interested in middlemen, he didn't fall for the seduction of being a performance commodity, he'd do festivals and they'd have to employ someone who gave a fuck to shadow him, it was the only way. He wanted to disrupt peoples lives in a positive and unusual way. But if you dragged him from where-ever he fell and placed him behind a curtain with his suitcase of props and in the morning raised the curtain to reveal the matinee audience, he'd be your monkey. #performer #clown

#assholes Alex jonesAlex Jones, socio-political entity.
his 'job' is to keep an organized public resistance to fascism fractured and impotent.
He's remarkably like what a fascist would look like if that fascist decided to disguise themselves as a political protester.
Anti-gay.. Tick
Anti mexican…Tick
Anti-semetic [in as much as the Rothschilds and the Rockefeller's inbreed and seed govts and longterm control the planet] ..tick
As tribal mammals all but the sociopathic have an innate empathy when presented with inflicted pain.
Alex Jones's simplistic bombastic hysterics seem designed to produce 'empathy fields' if you will, that Jones skillfully, in his almost patently hamfisted way, uses to attempt to reduce the world to a fractal cartoon. A cartoon of smug rage.
Be that as it may, if those who graze on him, [and it's a big if] can look sub texturally at what outrages them, It's my opinion that you'll find at it's core a foundation of impotency.
Evidence? Let's see. Elections that evidence points to being rigged by electronic means leading to wars that the majority of citizens were not in favor of leading to distractive polarizing political Kabuki for the last decade leading to torture and the suspension of Habeas corpus in Americas [and hence if American, your names] That's a brief overview of the impotency bedrock Alan Jones surfs for a living.
When powerless people look for leadership, if suitably befuddled, sometimes any semi coherent but seemingly passionate plonker will do. Habits are hard to break and we're tribal and like chest thumping monkeys. Alex Jones is a chest thumping monkey whose form outweighs his content by at least 10 to 1. He's impotent but he's shrill and loud and passionate which is at least 2 things more than you…. and so people trust the monkey that's louder than them because it saves them thinking for themselves which is increasingly impossibly hard and because it feeds a sense of entitlement in allowing them to feel part of some amorphous potential solution rather than in reality part of the problem. 
conspirihypocratic conspiratainment, it all comes down to choosing your narcissistic douchebags wisely I guess. It's not like we're not spoiled for choice.#asshole

#clown. "Laughter seems to me to contain a truth of sorts. When crowds in public were drawn to it and I orchestrated it I felt I was a fish swimming muscularily up-current. The collective laughter of strangers bound by circumstance and a primal recognition of comedy was my medium.” #pr

This is so disheartening, if there's one significant indicator that we are all simply hopeless drones destined to either exploit or be exploited it's the legislation-isation of free expression in what diminishing 'public places' that remain to protect against 'public nuisance' which in real terms is anything that distracts from the retail experience which has been sold to us unrelentingly as the substantive answer to the void it itself created within us in order to maintain itself. God forbid as a public shuffles in it's off hours to placate themselves by purchasing fucking overpriced do-dads that they be offered relief by their own kind who make them laugh and temporarily become whole. #Street theatre

I think you can be all over comedy both inside and out but tragedy is a vehicle with adult proof locks. #clown

The oldest currency is small useful things and sometimes a moment of laughter in an otherwise complicated and grinding existence is a small useful thing. #clown

I admit it, I crack myself up. I think some of my promo is much funnier than my actual show. I had to send some off today and went through some past stuff I've used at festivals. eg.
New Zealands Martin Ewen developed his ‘Lurk’ clown character 30 years ago.
Having graduated clown school and worked in the original ‘Stalker stilt theatre for two years, Lurk combines unparrelleled skill and original stilt technique with bitter dissapointment in the human condition as it applies to 11 ft pantomimes.
His success is amply demonstrated by the fact he hasn’t starved to death yet. #promo
A tall white faced abstracted protagonist exploiting the dramatic tension inherent in corners.
“Lurk” is a white face pantomime like no other.Trained in France, NZ and Japan his performance is truly international.
“I have been working with my present stilt / mime / eccentric for over thirty years. The character is self contained, that is, in character I make my own entertainment. Mime is technically creating three dimensional objects in space. As such I have three mime children, a wife who left me, a shrapnel wound, recently a machine gun, I don’t do walls or doors. I find walking and sometimes dancing into a strong wind more entertaining when not mimed. I mime a god I plead to for just one more victim.”
Not to be missed, this is comedy designed to make you laugh in spite of your upbringing.#promo
Despite being hospitalized by an overhead fan at the Edinburgh Festival. Being put in intensive care after only 4 hours in Singapore with a suspected fractured skull.
Despite being arrested (For suspicion of being Moroccan)while performing on the Ave de Innocence in Paris, and whilst performing next to a 17th century church in Denmark (for possession of humour) and threatened by knife wielding heavy metalers in Glasgow, and despite projectile vomiting onto an audience while ballet dancing in Japan, Martin Ewen has enjoyed a 30+ year career of unhindered success. Having worked in film alongside Tom Cruise and at private parties alongside James Brown and Aretha Franklyn and also appearing at the prestigious Dunedin annual pensioners picnic it is now finally America’s opportunity to have to forgive themselves for laughing.
A 21st century professional sociopath. Pedestrian vivisection where the victims walk away laughing.
Combining cruelty with whimsy in a sharp comic portrayal of reality.
Using his convention to explore tension and its relationship with comedy.
Providing laughter and temporary philosophic relief as the public watch others mildly suffer.
Welcome to ‘Lurk’ the disgruntled pantomimes reach out and ridicule someone program. #promo

I think if you look at TV's descent into digital alzheimer's over the last few years as it's remaining viewers bicker about the channels in their retirement homes trying to guard the inputs for premasticated opinions central to their senses of identity, that it's kinda fitting, with vast numbers turning off and cutting their cable services and seeking to look at media in the same way Govts are looking at us, with sceptical suspicion, that they voluntarily expose themselves as gibbering loons, pompous brittle sycophants and cultural red setters mindlessly humping the sofas of their own self regard. Amusing to visit but not something you'd allow in your own house. [PS, sometimes I construct really long sentences in red setter mode myself] #internet

The internet, both recreationally and sociopolitically is tautologically as well as realistically unfathomably deep and irredeemably shallow #internet

I've been marinating online for over a decade now and have made an effort to start reading books recreationally again. I used to read a lot, close to a book a day for a couple of decades. They are so much deeper and richer an experience, coupling yourself to one guys mind rather than skimming constantly through what amounts to be commercial assignments or drivel reminiscent of Anne Frank if she had a superiority complex and a debilitating head injury. #personal

I spent the first half of my life intelligent and articulate and terrified. Anyone who knows me knows enough to know full frontal status attacks produce well weighted withering counterattacks. I've yet to be be bested but admittedly I've only ever seemed attractive to low hanging fruit with little to lose and various mentally ill people who gravitate towards street theatre.#personal

"The typical Jester is a Management Consultant.” #clown

jailbreaking your brain is strictly prohibited. any attempt to do so, successfully or otherwise, risks having it bricked permanently.” #strange

Clown insurance, I pay $100 a year and I can do up to $3 million dollars worth of damage. It's helpful to have a concrete goal.#clown

I've studied the socio-political world from many angles, in many cultures. I've studied applied anthropology, jungian theory, world history, child development and investigated a raft of psychiatric disorders individual and collective and have concluded after weighty consideration that apart from one or two logistic issues and some currency concerns world peace and prosperity's fulcrum's that we each need to buy someone else a pony.#observation

acebooks outrage/indignace pornography is striking me as tragic for all concerned.
I DON'T CARE...If you've found a film of some kid drowning puppies.
I DON'T CARE...what the latest FOX vomit consists of.
I DON'T CARE that the only semblance of control you have over life is to project your very real impotent frustrated dis-ease via facebook.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ON FACEBOOK, [unless it's hello followed by something witty and you already know me.]
Facebook is simply catnip for social ghosts. #facebookI'm guilty, but I'm done. I think it was the drowning puppy outrage that got me. No sense of scale and given they are now dead it just struck me as masturbation of the most pitiful kind. For example..Here we are with computers/shoes and clothes all made in sweatshops whining about the cruelty of others and flushing our systems with that rich, rich self absorbed, self rightious, pious wank that takes all of 10 secs to cut and paste. If you think dumping toxic sludge on the great barrier reef and punching babies in the face and the concept of War are bad then like and share and together we'll make a difference. /s #facebook

I'm aware that my indignance mirrors those I rail against, just on a meta level, and so I am as guilty and as much of a hypocrite in that. I see that and am aware others will too. But sometimes I snap just generally at those who don't see and whose basic human need for validation fixates on the 'sins' of others because of the hormonal cocktail it releases. I'm relatively old and I think a lot and judge myself fiercely and sometimes for relief take those skills and almost whimsically gut others like a fish. Usually just to entertain myself and because it's an outlet. However, having my own relationship with a red nose reminds me that good things happen when you do things and interact while doing things. Reality is an unimaginably large orchestra and facebook is in comparison the cheapest form of transistor radio. It's a simulated reality, the order, the importance, whether you see what your 'friends' are up to are are determined by forces outside your control. It's someone elses simulation of reality, you cannot even pretend that vague fugueish dementia it lends you is your own. Politically to me I picture millions of solitary folk screaming into their pillows before pushing 'post'. I'm starting to ignore friends I respect simply because reading their howling posts makes me feel like some stranger's just ejaculated on me in an elevator. #facebook

Which is fine...I'm just not into that. #facebook

From Nth Carolina to Pittsburgh by train, arrive after midnight, John Pike, ex Invisible Circus and a veteran of shared Halifax and NZ festivals, himself an Englishman, is managing an Irish Bar in the South side.
He’s had a taxi waiting 30 mins without the meter on when I arrive. I note he hasn’t lost his touch.
He runs a smooth bar, he’s been increasing all the metrics. Some people are just good to hang with. John’s one.
I just stayed over the weekend, I was told it might be workable South Side.
I had meant to work the friday evening but as I approached the square I was smothered in a dense spectrum sense by a mega gaggle of hideous women all mincing along to the premier of “Sex in the city 2."
Some ‘Ladies night out’ had been arranged and hundreds were invited to a happy hour complete with manicures, massages, tarot card readings and a Botox demonstration before the movie.
I was suddenly surrounded by a weighty funk of estrogen driven malfunctionists. My desire to reproduce, a hardwired constant since puberty, immediately flatlined.
Somehow contained inside evening dresses bought with the aid of circus mirrors or chronic delusion, teetering on heels handicapped to a spina bifida equivalent. Careening unsteadily in a scrum of similarly programmed tipsy tribeswoman towards a theatre after two drinks and a Botox lecture. Competing alpha females shrieked and bellowed their woosy attempts at wit.
The phalanx meandered unsteadily with me immersed in it’s many overexposed bosoms.
I’d worked at the Maryland Renaissance Faire for 7 years, I wear stilts, I’d seen my share of undulating uplifted breast lagoons from above. I have nothing against breasts, they kept me alive a number of months and I’m grateful.
No it was more the overall complexion, these woman were grown under the fluorescent light of typing pools, fed convenient empty foods and easily digested TV culture and given just enough disposable income to have some colorful and tightfitting joke played on them by the fashion industry while they fuel their brittle dreams of one day being treated like they themselves treated their barbies. Love being simply a means to accessorise.
[Not that I pretend to know what love is]
It’s not Dante’s fault, how was he to know hell had other levels?
Well that kind of thing just depresses me so I didn’t work the friday. I just rode in the midst of the fractured femininity until I could shake them loose and loop back home.
But Saturday! [see how quick I bounce back?] I was back at the South Side square for some uninterrupted fun. I worked one corner, then danced with the band in the square and then did a much larger show that I didn’t hat because I’m a too cool for school fool.
All good.
It was interesting to revisit street theatre in of all places an old steel town in the states. #americantravels

Sometimes the crash after a festival run can be hard, imagine after Halifax, sharing a plane then train, both providing alcohol and about 20+ hours in total having interrupted the wrap party at the departure end and then a further weeks debauch in Portsmouth all in the company of invisible circus john. A man who blows bubbles in Canada and at home has the keys to the Portsmouth Kings Theatre and lives beside it and is it's stage manager. Overseeing all.
Then John and I go to Belgium until finally I am left on my own again about lunchtime. Begin the crash, work every day while staying at the seamans hotel in the red light district. Barely cover rent and beer and newspapers. Searching for corners, working three.
One advantage of depression and it's innate self absorption is that it becomes an ideal soil from which righteous indignation can grow.
When people tell me they don't like Clowns I remember this Poem I call
Belgium Bitters.

I’m a clown and I’m sick of people.
-Blank-Instinctive laugh-Back to blank-drones
Idle minds numbed by choices made years ago
Adrift on a conveyer of soul rotting routine assignments.
Calm husks about their shopping.
Stupid mono-mental morons with wives , husbands, children in tow.
Designer label dipshits
whose only ambition is to upgrade
to a slightly more expensive vacuousness.
sugar saturated runamoc brats, who
like their parents
know nothing more than their immediate needs
The only tool they’re issued - emotional blackmail
I hate teenagers en mass
premasticated pap formulas of sentiment without substance.
Teenage males
egos enormous brittle and facile
all covering their transparent fear
Teenage females preprogrammed for collective hysteria as sexual cul de sac
I see them every day
I entertain them
I make them laugh at others
unaware that they themselves have been exposed
I hate them
and I’m going to do it all again tomorrow
Their insipid blank bovine faces will lift themselves
as they strain to identify my relevance
while their naked humanity
balloons outward
in tears of laughter
Dumb Fucks -------#observation
I was a prince among men was I not?#observation

Public space, common ground, it's function and demise. street theatre
Still; worth looking at what was once recognised and accepted as the public commons.... Just food for thought really. I'd evoke concepts like 'discuss' but that would presume a fuck was given. As is I'm simply bearing public witness, in isolation, to contrary thoughts of others. Soon I will tour, pen in hand and camera on my elongated head, to balance being witnessed and witnessing, around the world.
“Their intent is to target street artists and vendors as a means of regulating and controlling the community’s use of public space, for the benefit of expensive galleries, fancy restaurants and developers. The effect is to better provide the capital-owning business elite with a controlled and sterilized neighborhood full of passive armies of docile workers and obedient shoppers. Their ambition is to redraw urban geography according to profit motives, and convert public and social life into the plaything of the private interests. This amounts to an attempt to rob us of every free and spontaneous aspect of our communities and our lives, and replace each of them with no alternative but submission and the compulsion to consume.” #public commons
and more esoterically ...
In short, approaching life and one's fellows from a mode of mind evincing aspects of the human condition that existed outside the realm of workplace expediency and consumer desire had been diminished to the point of being rendered all but absent. People seemed adrift -- bereft of the ability to cohabit public space. The will towards communal engagement had atrophied.
Essential qualities -- traits that are uniquely human -- had been lost. A wasteland of fragmented discourse and inarticulate rage howled between us.
And the situation has only degraded since that time. Unless communal space can be reclaimed and our innate humanity re-established, to paraphrase Kafka: There is infinite hope but not for us.#public commons
"Awake we share the world; sleeping each turns to his private world." -- Heraclitus
Once you have allowed the swindle to permeate your being -- taking back your life must become the driving force of your existence. If you don't recapture the landscape of your own soul, then your life will be comprised of a dance with dust and ash. #meaning, #observation #lessons

In such times, where can sanctuary be sought? Both within and by risking casting oneself towards the beating heart of the soul of life. Human beings contain deep reservoirs of empathy, a capacity for apprehending the sacred, and the ability to love. Deep wells of redemption pool beneath the wasteland. The human heart is a divining rod that helps one locate the source of the healing waters of life. #poetry #meaning #straws

we have become storm troopers, ourselves, marching in a mindless parade of endless distraction. All as the sky burns and oceans seethe acidity.Phil Rockstroh #poetry #meaning #straws

I've read that on average children laugh 200 times a day whilst adults 15-18 times a day.
I must have had a shitty childhood. #strange

Leo Tolstoy, in his essay “What Is Art?”:
Art is not, as the metaphysicians say, the manifestation of some mysterious idea of beauty or God; it is not, as the aesthetical physiologists say, a game in which man lets off his excess of stored-up energy; it is not the expression of man’s emotions by external signs; it is not the production of pleasing objects; and, above all, it is not pleasure; but it is a means of union among men, joining them together in the same feelings, and indispensable for the life and progress toward well-being of individuals and of humanity.#classic

They told me I couldn't bring liquids onto the plane...I had to explain I was mostly liquid.#strange

I can remember sulking at Dado as he filmed this particular day because he had pulled my music while I was dancing on stage to mostly old Chinese folk and some military officials earlier in the day. I had all these old happy people clapping along to NIN, 'Closer'. Rows of happy clappers as I wiggled about to 'I want to fuck you like an animal.' *sigh* I was making a pancultural statement about the elasticity of content as it's informed by tone. I'm so misunderstood.#clown

If it looks like a duck and sound like a duck and takes the nations wealth and goodwill and wages war for it's own benefit like a duck.... Then you should kill and pluck and eat the motherfucking shit out of that duck. Happy veterans day! #america

The internet can be like standing under a waterfall, sensationally interesting but your sandwidges get soggy and drip in clumps through your fingers and you waste away to nothing.#internet

The New York Time's greatest achievement is that the verbose slurry it secretes is commonly accepted as journalism at all. From the Kuwait incubators to the parroting of the lies required to forward certain war profiteers agendas to the pantomime of it being 'left wing' The new york times is the whore in the crown of a country entirely run from the top down while promoting the placating fiction that it isn't. …#america

If I could clone myself simply to have my own collective noun it would be a wry malignancy of Lurks.

"Live,like you desperately need oxygen to survive Love, like your confirmation bias is the figment of someone else's imagination.Dance.Like a sac of fire ants just burst in your pocket." Is sadly too long for a book title.#strange


"So it's some street theatre, tumbling, skilled but formulaic IMO, still, not bagging it, go guys, but to me more importantly note the surroundings, this is the town center, note the complete lack of homogenized generic brand-stores, the refreshing lack of advertising cacophony, it's almost as if the people are the most important factor and not their mere ability to consume retail. People are still able to take center stage in this envirionment, expressing themselves without having to be an adjunct to some gladhanding corporate marketing masturbatorium to justify themselves. Refreshing and a reminder of what public spaces really are at heart. Places for the public rather than catchment areas designed to whore attention spans for profit.#public commons

In a nutshell, very easily pleased, very difficult to satisfy. #observation

I'm deeply sentimental with forays into weapons grade melancholia while also childishly easily pleased, whimsical and deliberately trite.#observation

"We were walking down a hall and a guy with no legs comes rolling toward us. My kid was 4 and talked way too loud, so I was holding my breath. As soon as he passed, he says (loudly), "that man had the prettiest eyes". The guy laughed and I was relieved.”#strange

Nominative determinism could explain why death rattle the clown failed his cirque audition.#science

Post Rational America; "We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers,"Bear in mind this is a parody of self pity rather than self pity itself.#America

I've been invited and will be attending a small dinner party tonight, myself and 7 others and I know I'll be asked to explain or answer 'What I do', you know..."And what do you do?"

These people are very wealthy, very successful and while that doesn't intimidate me in the slightest the question itself does.

Historically the most truthful answer is , "I'm a Clown." But then I define Clown in a personally idiocyncratic way so that pat answer could be a little misleading. They may picture a circus clown  [which I've been] or a birthday clown  [which has happened] however the clown I am is a bitter bleak personage trapped in a convention he cannot understand nor control and who projects this existential quandry by victimizing others for what small amusement and relief that lends him.

All a bit much really and the fact I haven't worked for about a year and have just left a rehab facility I've lived in a year and a half....... I'd be let out for gigs like China which I'd convince staff 'was part of my journey'....well all this creates a bit of a ponderance.

So...What in fact do I do?

* Nothing constructive? I'm a mildly amusing leech. A minor pimple on the acne ravaged face of humanity.

*I'm kinda a self aware renaissance man of dysfunction.

[Having mastered alcoholism, drug addiction, crippling social anxiety, clinical depression and a form of reverse  decathlon where I attempt to squander and destroy every of the many gifts that are native to me and every opportunity offered.]

* I have a select online audience, mostly bots, that, while I can master the delusion, I write for the amusement of.

* I'm a literate slow-mo toy train crash.

* I am professionally misunderstood. In that no-one has yet realised that it is in fact a job being myself.

*Pragmatically, I ingest various, both basic and complex, animal and plant matter and process it to distribute manure on a global scale. This isn't an occupation obviously, it's just a function of being human and in my case I've travelled extensively while doing it

Maybe I'll just stick with clown. 
I have to go now. #clown

Still; the omelette of collective enhancement cannot be made without eggshell fractures
of premeditated hysteria. #Strange

We live in a world where a constellation of cognitive illusions – that infinite growth can be sustained on a finite planet, that consumerism can make us happy, that corporations are persons – are dragging us into an ecological apocalypse. These cognitive illusions won’t disappear because they’ve been proven false – they must be overcome at a deeper level. We need something other than rationality, statistics, scientific thought … we need something more, even, than what has passed for activism thus far. We must spark an epiphany, a worldwide flash of insight that renders our blind spots visible once and for all. This collective awakening begins the moment we look inward and ask ourselves: Am I caught inside a grand cognitive illusion? #reality, #observation #meaning

"I don't think it would be too controversial to suggest that we are embedded actors in an imagined landscape: this collective narrative is a participatory project, an occult language with a grammatical and syntactical structure that recapitulates the ontological themes which are the motivating mythologies of every tragedy and comedy.We acquire a fluency in this language through our shared suffering with other actors, whose dialog interrupts our solipsistic reverie with insistent demands for the next lines in the drama. If the whole thing seems eerily and unsettlingly reminiscent of some vaguely remembered something just beyond conscious recollection, it's not a coincidence we're feeling the curious vertigo of deja vu. Synchronicity is the clever plot device used to signal the organization of the narrative around several recurring, archetypal motifs. The decoding of these themes is the principal occupation of those who have become conscious of their roles as actors in an imagined landscape. Other players have resorted to a rigorous form of method acting called amnesia. They require subtle techniques of assistance, as waking them up too suddenly often produces violent reactions of disorientation and fear.We're seeing a lot of disorientation and fear these days. "
"Synchronicities are the jokers in nature's pack of cards for they refuse to play by the rules and offer a hint that, in our quest for certainty about the universe, we have ignored some vital clues." F.David Peat, physicist #others #reality, #observation #meaning

The context? It's kinda meta contextual. It's about the perception of the human condition as it relates to synchronicities and about potential cognitive dissonance when contexts dissolve. #clown

Re the New York Times vapidly sycophantic and cringingly obsequious love letter to Obama the philosopher-king's turgid journey on Americans behalf into extrajudicial murder.
[google..'Secret ‘Kill List’ Proves a Test of Obama’s Principles and Will' I'm not linking to the obscenity]
If you cannot see a tiny group of men meeting weekly to decide who to kill with flying death machines in countries not engaged in war as morally wrong then quite simply you are no longer fully human and more a half dead media echo that consumes.
Habeas corpus is dead and with it the concept of America and the concepts of justice and morality are divorced.
The greatest challenge left is to somehow generate pity for a proud nation with no moral basis but the ability to murder at will.
"A few thoughts on the
penultimate tip of America's festering moral abyss
which is a rotting compost pile filled with the putrifying flesh and dismembered parts of its victims, flayed alive
in the instant of their mortal transfiguration by the
scalding heat and light
of what now gloatingly passes for moral conviction
the chemical signature of furiously-igniting high explosive
rendering a final verdict that can never be undone,
long-distance pronouncements on
instantaneous timelines with
over-the-horizon trajectories
signalling the utter finality of collapse of the
very last wretched remnant of honour the nation
in a fit of deluded celebration could ever
have recklessly, even mockingly
claimed ...
now lost, gone, tragically no longer even
capable of being remembered.
The triumph of treachery and betrayal
for a nation like a people, is to be
stripped of context, devoid of meaning,
unencumbered by every annoying vestige of
half-forgotton long-lost notion of what it
once meant to be decent and righteous and just
for without relevance one can never, ever be wrong.
What Reagan, the Bushes and Clinton and their
omnibus minions colluded, authorized and
plotted in secret, ie. the state's power to kill at-will
absent legal niceties and public exposure,
Obama's White House now has rebranded as the divine, weighty obligation of a faux-populist Leader-King --
someone who, we are (somewhat chidingly) assured
takes the duty of state-sanctioned murder seriously --
at least as seriously as we ought
were we to have the dubious honour of
our best-guess convictions informing our
unquestioned presumption.
Meanwhile, America slumbers on in sated dreamland glory
as its cranked-up mindless armies inflict waking-nightmare ravages
half-a-world away, its citizens for the most part
never imagining the debt of furious payback retribution
slowly piling up,
postponed consequences marching in rows
teetering in unbalanced columns
not forgotton,
stored in bombproof ledgers
by Karma the clerk, methodically keeping score …” #americaImafraid

The humor accelerating outward for epocs and then momenterially poised, suspended, before beginning epocs again, this time contracting until the universes humor compacts into a singular atom of infinitely dense humor. [in scientific terms this is called a 'Yuk'] before simply ceasing to be. #Sciencebitches #science

"So, if you combine the automation of terrorist identification with an administrative “hit” list with automated drones that execute the order, you have a global killing machine. A machine that requires very few people to run and can kill almost anyone that triggers in in a matter of minutes.
What will be done with it? If we end up in a disorderly economic depression, as it increasingly looks like we will, we’re going get a good demonstration of what life under automated authoritarianism. #america

"Don't be fooled into thinking that this digital bullshit, already festooned with ads, is real estate worth missing for a nanosecond. It doesn't exist, it's a reformat of friends you should by rights already have. If the only reason people pay any attention to you is because face books design makes it harder not to than otherwise, then the quality of your connections bears scrutiny. To be honest I don't give a personal shit about 2 thirds of my "friends" I don't know them, I've never met them in the real world, I tolerate their requests for the very reason they mean nothing to me but it's effortless to be kind to strangers. How could I miss them? What possible justification other than commercial would I or anyone submit to an 'ego-tax' wherein payment to Facebook allows me to communicate freely with friends and think that a 'service' worth paying for? Facebook has every right to presume stupidity on the part of it's participants quite simply because the majority of them are definitively stupid. It provides channels by which people communicate, then it chokes those channels, then it introduces a service to unchoke them. If you have something so important you wish to pay 4 times a postage stamp to relay it and you cannot fathom that a group email provides the same function then please pay me $2 and I will personally pity you.#facebook

TIL that 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it.That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds #deeplyrandom #observation

NZ"s politics, once famously representative [first nuclear free country and standard bearer for that] has now been devolved into a montesanto/fracking /off shore drilling/ industrialist land raping wet dream, where the public by and large have accepted their politicians are venal half man/half hemorrhoids and ask only that they be allowed to click on occasional online petitions for momentary relief. NZ is a testbed now for example for global copywrite legislation that is written by north american multinationals and rammed up the grateful asses of NZ politicians lubricated by funds , to be vomited onto the body politic by those same smirking 'representatives' who know they are and are seen to be radiant whores but as most have a background in the insipid badminton known as 'law' they are well versed in the recognition that you may well be a cunt but unless you're a convicted cunt it's immaterial.#NZ

New rule... 'friends' Your quota for 'motivational life messages' is 5 per month, not per day, not per hour. I get it...you're easily amused and confuse pith with wisdom. You wish to amplify/ catapult your sage third hand wit throughout the universe , fine. I tire of this barrage, 5/10 units of cusping pre-alzheimer's cerebral candy floss like some dimestore lipstick on the diseased pig of your existence. Please mutter to yourself like a genuine lost mad person . Under 6 a month is fine.

Cloying sentimentality has it's place and that place is Facebook, [and made for TV , sunday evening leukemia movies that feature some kid empowering the family as they selflessly die with dignity]. Cynicism has it's place also as a brittle overcoat worn by the young to hide their marshmallow interiors and by the old as a line drawn in the sand demarking their disappointment with themselves. Hey ho. #facebook

Narcissism brings with it a reduction in empathy and you need that to read an audience so really after decades of investigation the best science has come up with is that performers have a quality of ‘fabulousness’ #performers, 

Manifest destiny never ended, America will never run out of injuns. The wild west just moved overseas.#America

"UNCLE SAME WANTS YOU"-dead/broke/sick/hungry/confused/hiding/scared/hopeless/needy/arrested/silenced/broken... and in my case ungrateful.#america

“Permaculture is revolution disguised as organic gardening. #observation

”To be honest I'm not that bothered, US politics works on the presumption you have any power at all. The more you rage impotently at this and that the less likely you will be to examine your part in it. The govt now has the legal right to act like a serial killer. If anything this frog is overcooked. Outrage is simply humiliation projected. #america

May the New Year be free of flesh eating diseases, paltry introspection, alligators with wings screaming out of the sun, mind-rashes and excessive bleeding.
Crippled white knights, iridescent assholes, manic vacancies and those who simper constantly at a frequency only dogs can hear.
Everything else you're on your own but these things I'll be taking care of on your behalf all year. #Newyear

Pith one, repository for meta-tags and pith book chaptering exercise

War is an economic construct that serves coward sociopaths. pan culturally people just want to laugh and party.Without war America would be Belgium. Dark and stabbing it’s genitals. #darkturn

America globally is that hip student who sells you speed and who in your 40's you look back on with sympathy, except for all the cheerleaders it murdered and blamed on others.#america

Ringling Circus has many secrets, for decades railroad wagons full of clowns and roustabouts and assorted spectaculars roamed the US mainlands rail system.
There are stories, many stories shared between gatherings of x-ringlings when they happenchance gather enough to form some quorum.
I attended a handful of these scrums, the odd clown out, but not really, I was made privy to several sessions of anicdotal olympics
in the company of Ringlings of different generations who had all spent months on a train in the clownwagon.
Ringling is dead but many of it's best refuse to die. Sadly everything perishes. Stories have their own immortality.
The very best, in my sordid opinion, Ringling clown story's last line was, "and that's how we caught the camelfucker!"
It was beautiful. But I can't tell it to you. #clown

So here are some thoughts this triggers. Part of being a parent apart from keeping your kids save is exposing them to things that are outside the ordinary yet beneficial. Every time you learn from a new experience there is some period of discomfort as you pass from what you have known into what you now know. Part of the reason clowns are feared is because, well one reason is that they are simply painted hyper insensitive idiots trying to get by in the world but more importantly that vague fear that comes from a natural distrust of the unusual. But without it growth is impossible. This looks European. Europe is old and it's social norms go back a long way. To go about your day and be confronted by some creative celebration that isn't sponsored loudly or isn't advertising is a declaration on a deep level to parents and kids and everybody that our individual imaginations are gifts in their own right. That wonder often follows moments of disquiet and that our world can be generous.#observation #street #culture #parent

The Starwars franchise is simply a space soap opera for the intellectually prematurely balding who would rather be distracted retards than critical adults. Galaxies of our lives.#culture 

Interestingly one aspect of what we call "love" is simply a subconscious recognition that a prospective partner smells foreign to us. Pheromones trigger desire and potential partners who, on this subconscious level attract us do so because our potential offspring will have a wider genetic base and a better chance of overall genetic survival. Still, lovesongs and poetry and anything that allows you to think one person out of 7 billion is your soulmate is what viagra was before there was viagra #love

.I processed an invoice [for vegetables] today for 'Chefs in Jesus'
I was so confused. Would I have to find Jesus and insert this invoice somehow to receive payment?
Do deities commonly have their food cooked within them?
How large is Jesus's general staff? Which is the staff entrance?
Do the Chefs ever have holidays? Was this invoice made inside the body of the universes creator and should I wash my hands afterwards?
I still added tax, I know a scam when I see one.#strange

 The idea America is a representative democracy is a ghost and those that believe live in haunted houses not admitting they died years ago.#america, #culture

LA and Hollywood is the only place where the barnacles run the ship. #America, #culture

I want to see Bear Grylls survive living in San Francisco for a month on minimum wage. #America, #culture

In my opinion and experience street theatre has survived by becoming part premasticated cabaret, so as to better incorporate into "street theatre festivals" without which the majority of the worlds best would wither and die or do renaissance festivals and cruise ships or circuses or corporate team exercises. However certain performers, a rare and precious few focus on structure when required but focus primarily on the interface. They essentially celebrate others while they deftly narrate the here and now. Livingspace does this, Fraser does this, Lee Ross did/does this, Rob Torres does this, Robert Nelson used to do this. Kate Mior gets a 'my show is in the moment' award too as does for the same reasons Silver Elvis. Shirley Sunflower, Peter Mielniczek, Dado, others. #streettheatre #culture

I have nothing against premasticated cabaret, my podcast where I read things I object to while vomiting is my largest income. #strange #culture #personal

I was growing tired of my go-to's, the Dunning-Kruger effect, confirmation bias and Stockholm syndrome as the basis and foundation of the 21 century fiction of the self. Nice to know there's more labels out there to apply to people I annoy.TIL, new description of sudden disproportionate emotional response.
'amygdala hijack’ #science

Yawn, if you had any social conscience worth more than the effort to cut and paste or hit 'like' you wouldn't be on facebook. Facebook is the condom you put over your political pointlessness so you can dry hump the husk of your dead dream of the social commons. So spare me your cut and paste plastic sabre rattling legalese demonstrating how strongly you feel about your digital privacy. It's sad and pitiful and demonstratively asinine that anyone here takes their personal sovereignty seriously simply based on the fact the entire platform is a monetized information gathering instrument dedicated to providing data to marketers. #facebook

Kissinger killed as many people as Stalin but apparently he had better reasons, like profit and he liked the competitive challenge of sticking his tongue deeper than anyone ever had done before into his masters asses. #america

As collective primate cusping interstellar bipeds on a collective rock we should dispense with politics by way of collective digital boolean logic. Good luck applying salt to the slugs. #strange

One world Govt, the only thing you'd notice is that a portion of our petfood bill would go to the staving millions.... or education was digitally free without fee and the standards were preprogrammed course by course. Late night thoughts thereby probably worthless. #strange

This is unlikely to work.
Whereas a geopolitical race towards the planets destruction via either pollution or nuclear war between the west and China/Russia [currently in it's proxy stage]is the current paradigm. I agree it's unlikely to work. I'm just giving the next generation whatever feeble straws they might require temporarily to sustain hope. #hope 

Bhutan is an interesting deviation from the western 3D enforced hallucination. It's predominately Buddhist but has freedom of religion, the whole country is non smoking, [the fine is about two months wages], it instigated the concept of Gross National Happiness, which to me is aspirational rather than our usual lesser of two evils ethically erosive waltz and to visit you have to pay a local guide $250 a day, [but that includes accom and food]. Ideally I'd like to visit with Sir-anthony Campbell and Andrew Elliott and perhaps some other pan cultural non vocal enthusiasts, [admittedly out of the loop] {is Hugo from Argentina still about?] Maybe Lee Nelson looks at a cultural exchange? with us as street based vanguard? Just thoughts.. #hope

Oh and I can hear what your thinking [if you're like me.] "you are just a recursive whiner sucking of the indignancy teat at a level below the usual simply because you were afforded a classical education like all the other aspiring white middle class males of your generation who puff themselves up on their molehills and beat their chests between trips to Target." Tis true, tis true. However there's this... Good old Ireland, famous for exporting close to diabolically cheerful alcoholism throughout the world and famous also for breeding heavily and sending every runt into the priesthood to fiddle the books or children for voting overwhelmingly to let people of indiscriminate genders commit themselves into unions recognised by the state and the tax dept and divorce lawyers. I will overindulge in the alcoholic porridge you call stout and vomit into the nearest gutter just to proclaim my humility and your moral superiority... and because I need to rationalise my behaviour on a daily basis. #observations

“Their intent is to target street artists and vendors as a means of regulating and controlling the community’s use of public space, for the benefit of expensive galleries, fancy restaurants and developers. The effect is to better provide the capital-owning business elite with a controlled and sterilized neighborhood full of passive armies of docile workers and obedient shoppers. Their ambition is to redraw urban geography according to profit motives, and convert public and social life into the plaything of the private interests. This amounts to an attempt to rob us of every free and spontaneous aspect of our communities and our lives, and replace each of them with no alternative but submission and the compulsion to consume. #streettheatre #public commons

”I'm getting on and I have to pay my dues. I have debts that can never be repaid. Bob Maclaren was an early friend, I've known him from teenage on, he cared for me. He would quietly follow me as a friend as I took walks while we were both on tour, about 20 meters behind me just to make sure he could fish me out of whatever suicidal impulse I gave out to. I only recognised this after turning round after a long walk to find him there. It astonished me to have earned a guardian angel. I was a funny guy who never recognised I was loved. Later on Nick Nickolas and I toured NZ and I can remember regretting that if I wasn't heterosexual and we both weren't such smelly pointless fuckups we'd have made a good couple. I lent on people, I've always lent on people. I was unique but I've always needed foils. The street theatre world became my greater foil and I subverted it and succeeded. Nick and Bob admired that however they had either work ethics or larger plans. I just wanted strangers to love me and laugh and it was an easy science. Over decades i realised the laughter of complete strangers only ever brought me back to neutral, which was to me a form of joy. I had no-where else to go but the best friends in the world. You can't imagine having friends who bent the world cheerfully to their ends on a daily basis. My definition was whatever was invested in me was a waste of time. I was a romantic masochist and my friends had their own lives to lead. I would like to acknowledge that they, and many other secondary fellows, are the foundation of what I am today, whatever that's worth. Cheers. #gratitude, #hope #redemption #self #observation

philosophy is like adopting grandparents. You buy them preweathered and tested. #philosopy 

I'm just good at stringing words together but you as a reader have already thought these things. I just create the occasional clearing in the forest. The older we get the easier it is for us to join hands and do a little commb-by-ya dance in the clearing. #observation

The best thing about early emphysema is you hear babies screaming and they don't exist #strange.

The guy who invented insurance was a thin guy who monetized fat to other thin people. #strange

The balancing act of recognising, ego aside, that your life is spent swimming in a sea of your own ignorance, gasping lungfulls of certainty like a drowning man, until you eventually die none the wiser, is key. #strange #unjudged thought
I come from an extended family of street performing neer-do-wells. 
I'll die eventually but their stories sustain me while I'm here and I add to them.
That will do.#observation

computer intelligence is always degraded because it's rote. As if the noises in our heads make us superior. Without the noise, which is basically static, we're pretty damn rote. In most cases it's been proven we think after we act, there's a lag in our consciousness. It goes, stimuli, response, mental framing of response. An interesting and powerful argument against free will. So far we are the best computers nature's made. But bright enough to recognise we are venis flytraps with story telling properties. #observation

assuredness closes more doors than it opens, but keeps a handful open at all times and cynicism is the wasabi of perspectives. A little bit well placed is good but more than that and the fact you're a defensively dank git means people stop inviting you to parties...and I like parties. #metaphor

I was chatting today with someone about the difference between platonic and romantic relationships.
I said that platonic relationships allowed people to discover each others continents in flyover mode with the missile systems turned off. You each discovered topography at your leisure.
Whereas intimate relationships were newly formed volcanic islands where with all the best intentions no-one really knew where the lava-flows would turn up and what might be consumed by them and where. #observation #relationships

In an hour and twelve minutes I'll be 52.
Who would have thunk.
Having spent my life as an extended adolescent i had no idea I'd make it this far. I longed for some eclectic premature passing that relieved me and inflicted others. I didn't want to be a passive aggressive asshole but recognised it suited me.
A week ago I was jetlagged and homeless between gig A and gig B, which sounds exciting but isn't.
I also ran out of puff somewhere between 46 and 51 and sheltered in the only place that would take me, a rehab center, because while I wanted simply to die, to cease existing, something drove me to seek a solution that involved processing oxygen and perhaps understanding myself better.
So I stopped being curled up in a lava tube in Hawaii with my back to the world trying to starve to death and staggered back into life.
I rescued myself, i went through the hoops hopeless people are allowed and got certified as a poly drug abuser and put into care.
I lived with ex addicts and ex prisoners for two years and then, because I'm fucking special and it's a curse i can barely manage I was employed at the same place to help others.
All this time I ignored all my friends and family. I wasn't sure whether I was technically dead or not.
One person, out of left field, unbidden befriended me. My response was to do that thing I'm gifted with. To expose them and their motivations to themselves. They left me alone for six months. After that we've spoken very day the last 5 years and I now owe them everything.
Because I'm back in the mix. I know what I am and I know who I am and if the world and I don't get on then it's nothing I haven't dealt with already.
It's now 17 minutes before my birthday and in 17 minutes I'm going to dive into the pool and re-emerge a 52 year old. The world is just going to have to deal with that. #observation

American comedy generally repulsed me growing up. Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, all putrid little moral vehicles with a laugh track. Like some Calvinist with his asshole sewed shut presiding over the concept of comedy determined that each laugh was a sin that could only be rectified by some moral message at the end of each episode.
21st century and it's sadly the best we can hope for. Comedians reaching out and helping us digest the world at large because no-one else in media takes anything seriously. #clown #comedy

I think part of it is because spoken comedy in large part requires intelligence on the part of the audience for the complexities that make the comedy implicit. Whereas 'the news' exists primarily to sell toothpaste and anti-depressants and the dumber you are the easier their job is so there's no motivation to educate you. It's just tragic that comedy has to take this role but better that than nothing I guess. #clown #comedy

Monsanto pledges 4 million to help save Monarch Butterflys
Rapist undertips, #america

because I can still distinguish the difference between cruel social discomfort and hopeless unending hell and I resent shallow self satisfaction in others because it alludes me and because it's shallow, and self satisfied.

With age we recognise our opinions are worthless and rarely original. When young, every tepid, half thunk impulse is vital. I'm regressing.

in my early 50s and my impression is that existential angst doesn't wane or seem to age at all so much as be reduced to a tinnitus background using orchestrated deliriums of distraction.
On good days.
On bad days I email my parents and remind them I never asked to be born.  #observation

What's the most beautiful invitation you've had.
This is mine, it's over 30 years old.
"see that room, that's yours anytime, you can just go there and rest, you don't even have to look at us, we'll feed you. #beauty

"While the usual bloody middle eastern lab matures, a profitable stillborn decomposes nicely on Russias door and anyone who’s anyone fucks children recreationally and as a high level corporate bonding exercise. Meanwhile at Guantanamo they’ve set new records for science in keeping humans on the brink of death for extended periods. Not my problem. I’ll just cloth myself in the misery of various sweatshops much like a plantation owners daughter would accept a Julep and tinker on my sophisticated device part of which was dug by hand in inhuman conditions because yay us!
You have more chance of airport security bruising your groin than ever meeting a terrorist. Terrorists are a TV thing, up there with toothpaste. Airport security is real. I’ve actually been there. Terrorists and toothpaste like TV but airport security trust neither. #netherregions

I enjoyed rugby as a child because if I held onto the ball I was instantly attractive. #self #observation

.50 shades of some entitled brittle asshole treating you sexually like you've just rung his corporate callcenter.
Some sad Irish git priest has got the worlds amused attention by stating Yoga's satanic dangers. sigh-- Another tightly bound career virgin projecting his lust via improvised theology. #culture

All forms of self discovered beatitude are a threat. Nothing doggerel can't cure. #cynicism

The devil is simply a concept that externalises our impulsive chimp brain-stem remnants and deeper still our reptilian. #religion #observation #memes

I remember catching a taxi to a job interview as an assistant trainee supermarket manager when I was 16.[got the job] I'd just left school and the taxi driver asked my age. I told him and he asked if the 11 years I'd spent at school seemed like a long or short time. I answered "A long time"
He said, "Well the rest of your life if going to go by as fast as that 11 years did"
I was secretly proud of being middle aged at 16. #self #observations

I'd get kids sent by their mums who were just humming with social apprehension, sent with a list and the exact change.... I was young and cruel and didn't give a shit. I'd overcharge them just to see their distrust in their parents blossom. I was a bit broken.

I'd also preopen a bottle of coke in the fridge behind the till and if some kid bought one and wanted it opened I'd pretend to do it with my eyesocket. You just make the hissing sound at the right moment and you have a child convinced you're a superhero for life. ......also....I shoplifted.Just boil in the bag dinners. I lacked imagination. #self #observations #assistant supermarket manager, #16

I used to shrug and just move on. Fuckem if they can't take a joke and fuckem if I'm used to fuel the rampant insecurities of haberdashers. Street theatre exists in mainly token form, Cirque leveraged that shit and now poetic social intercourse is just a means to an end.The streetworld has declined but then so have I, along with western civilization generally...probably unrelated. #street theatre

When the bible was translated into American, slaves running away was called Drapetomania and a registered psychiatric disorder. #America #observation

I remember working in Dublin in a scene with Tom Cruise in a Ron Howard movie, Far and Away. Mr Cruise kindly initiated some small talk between shots, I nodded smiling and replied.
"Scientology in religious terms is a spiritual crack whore who worked out no-one notices the running sores if you charge enough to drive a lamborghini."
He laughed and nodded and winked. I don't think he heard me. #Culture, #observation

It's tricky, the balance being poised above the Niagara falls of cynicism whilst focusing on the optimistic placid approaching still waters. #metaphor

Art is how we decorate space; music is how we decorate time, great pantomime is a sublime arranged marriage. #art #observation #metaphor

"You are to light entertainment what donkeys who lived their whole lives underground used to be to mining.” #ouch

I still wonder what all those various people said before they spontainiously combusted in mainly American trailerparks over those decades. I'm convinced they randomly came across a set of words that ignites you when spoken. Undoubtedly drunk, I wouldn't like to even guess in case I erased the universe. #strange #observation

Average 6 inches of feces every day ... you reach 50 you've poo'd about a mile and a half..I'd presumed I'd shat at least a marathon. #strange