now, as every-ones connected to everyone, dependent on RSS or passive facebook spoonfeeding there's the danger of babbling to a presumed audience.
I'm trying to control them but refuse to regret them.
....
I'm getting on and I have to pay my dues. I have debts that can never be repaid. Bob Maclaren
was an early friend, I've known him from teenage on, he cared for me.
He would quietly follow me as a friend as I took walks while we were
both on tour, about 20 meters behind me just to make sure he could fish
me out of whatever suicidal impulse I gave out to. I only recognised
this after turning round after a long walk to find him there. It
astonished me to have earned a guardian angel.
I was a funny guy who never recognised I was loved. Later on Nick
Nickolas and I toured NZ and I can remember regretting that if I wasn't
heterosexual and we both weren't such smelly pointless fuckups we'd have
made a good couple. I lent on people, I've always lent on people. I was
unique but I've always needed foils. The street theatre world became my
greater foil and I subverted it and succeeded. Nick and Bob admired
that however they had either work ethics or larger plans. I just wanted
strangers to love me and laugh and it was an easy science. Over decades i
realised the laughter of complete strangers only ever brought me back
to neutral, which was to me a form of joy. I had no-where else to go but
the best friends in the world. You can't imagine having friends who
bent the world cheerfully to their ends on a daily basis. My definition
was whatever was invested in me was a waste of time. I was a romantic
masochist and my friends had their own lives to lead. I would like to
acknowledge that they, and many other secondary fellows, are the
foundation of what I am today, whatever that's worth. Cheers.
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